#keepingitreal

Nachos and a pink girly cocktail…that was the combination of food my best friend was treating me to when a fun night out playing poker and drinking turned, quite literally, explosive.  A full-on screaming “F- You” type of fight occurred all because I got pissy that she was being her generous self and buying me a drink.  And the reason for my piss ass attitude was that I was “feeling too fat” after eating the nachos and skipping a workout or two over the weekend (which I should mention was also my vacation).  I brought my best friend since seventh grade to tears over a fucking plate of nachos.  You might be asking yourself, “Who is this crazy bitch?  Thank god she isn’t my friend!”  The truth of the matter is that I, like so many other women these days, was so stressed about what one missed workout would do to my physical appearance.  Missing a workout or overindulging in fatty foods brought out the worst in me.  Calories were counted religiously.  Looking back I’m shocked that my husband ever became my husband after enduring daily laments of “I’m sooooo fat!” and nervous breakdowns over one missed yoga class.  He’s confessed to me that he didn’t like treating me to fancy dinners or spontaneously purchasing Ben and Jerry pints because I made him feel bad by bitching about how many calories I would be consuming if I ate them…and then I ate them, and then I bitched about being fat.   And on the rare occasion I’d even try and barf it right back up.  

And if this is making my eating habits sound bad, just imagine my workout schedule.  I went from being a collegiate athlete where my workouts were focused on a healthy intention (winning!!!!) to working out purely to stay thin.  With this mindset if an hour of working out was good, then three hours of working out was better.  Yoga, running, lifting, sprinting, hiking, core work…I tried to fit in as much as I could every day.  If a workout was on the schedule but wound up being missed because of laziness or work meetings I became instantly depressed, snapping at anyone that dared enter my presence.  The quality of my day was determined by how much working out I did and how little I ate.  I spent several years of my life dealing with these disordered eating habits.  Living life with the single focus to be the thinnest I could be.  I don’t want this problem to be magnified, I definitely wasn’t in the lowest place you could be but I was struggling with body image on an almost daily basis.

I’m happy to be able to say that I no longer feel this way about my body.  It’s hard for me to pinpoint the exact moment when my outlook shifted.  I know that yoga did a great deal for me.  When you stare at yourself half-naked in a mirror for 60-90 minutes several times a day there comes a point where you can no longer tolerate the negative thoughts that creep in.  You have to find something positive to say.  It can be how strong your quads look in Warrior II, how beautiful the curve in your back is during Camel…but after hours of staring at my body I slowly began replacing the negative thoughts about a little flub here and there and embracing the curves of my body.  The biggest change in my attitude towards both food and my body have definitely come as I’ve started running more competitively.  It’s slightly ironic that as I have become involved in a world where smaller is considered an advantage I’m okay not being the smallest one in the field of runners.  As I’ve started training harder I’ve had to be okay with eating enough to nourish the increased workload.  I’ve learned that a big post-run breakfast leaves me energized to tackle the rest of my day AND replenish my muscles for another run.   It is no longer the number one priority of a workout to shrink my thighs/hips/tummy.  Rather I do each workout with focus.  Some runs are meant to make me fast; others are meant to build my endurance.  When lifting I’m building muscle so that my legs can power me up hills and my core keeps me stable.  Yoga classes are meant to treat my overworked body, stretch the tight spots, and sometimes to just be in a place of peace for an hour.  And a day off is no longer viewed as a step backward but the opportunity for my overworked body to catch up, to reset and be ready for another round of hard work.  It’s taken me several years to get here but I am genuinely a much happier person now that I don’t hate on myself.

I’m not going to write in this post about how the media puts pressure on women to look a certain way, blah blah blah.  But I do genuinely feel that women live in a society where this type of behavior is more accepted.  Remember the episode of Sex and the City where Charlotte, Miranda, and Carrie are all complaining about their body and Sam sits there in silence.  When confronted she replies, “What?  I love everything about myself.  I wouldn’t change a thing.”  The reaction to that comment is disbelief, heaven forbid a women proudly stand-up and say “Hey…this is who I am and it’s pretty damn great”.  

It’s acceptable to make public statements where we put ourselves in a negative light.  We’re conditioned to believe that this type of self-talk is healthy and normal, but the truth is little by little those comments can become full blown delusions that lead to some pretty ugly behavior (read the first two paragraphs).  But, with encouragement from Lauren Fleshmans brave blog posts about body image (http://asklaurenfleshman.com/2013/11/keeping-it-real/ and http://www.runnersworld.com/womens-running/lets-keep-it-real-about-our-bodies?cm_mmc=Twitter-_-RunnersWorld-_-Content-Blog-_-KeepingItReal), I am ready to stand up against the norm and hope to change the course of the tides and say “I LOVE MY BODY!” I’m not making this statement out of narcissism or an overinflated ego but rather out of the respect that I have gained for my body.  My body does some pretty incredible things…it has carried me through one successful athletic career and hopefully through a second attempt at athletic glory!  It lets me play with my dogs, love my husband, get up and go whenever I please.  And it doesn’t get the credit that it deserves.  I’m not there yet, and I probably won’t ever be 100% there but I’m making a conscientious effort to honestly love all aspects of my body.  Every curve has a story…whether it be the curve of a strong hamstring muscle that lets me run farther and faster each day or the curve of a tummy full of delicious Sea Salt Caramel ice cream.  

Post yoga...sweaty hair, muffin top, and tummy rolls!  Negative images in the media eyes...but I think they're all beautiful!

Staring at those four words “I Love my body” gives me chills.  It’s a surprisingly hard thing to say and to publicly admit but I challenge each and every reader to say it to themselves.  Say it today, say it tomorrow, and one day it will come true.  Through our words we have made ourselves believe flaws are ugly.  Change your words and you will start to believe that you are beautiful too…imperfect, flawed, and still strikingly gorgeous!

****I want to thank the women who started this, Lauren Fleshman; my talented coach Magdalena Donahue who told me to “think about” posting a picture; and the amazing group of runners I’ve befriended here that embody this message and give only love and support to each other (and never ever cut each other down), and my best friend Tiff for being the unfortunate inspiration to my intro I love you so much!

Tinkerbell Half Marathon Weekend

I just returned from a really FUN and successful destination race weekend at Disneyland!!!!!!  While it wasn’t my first time traveling for a race (and it most definitely won’t be my last) I had some new experiences that I plan to learn from so that I can continue to develop into a strong runner (and pleasant travel buddy) down the road.  It is challenging to be somewhere and have a great time while still making sure that you’re taking care of your body so that you can race with a fresh body.   A little pre-race pampering on a vacation can come across as super lame-ass (no alcohol, early bedtimes, etc…) to those who don’t run.

LESSON #1: Know not only your travel plans, but the travel plans of others.  I woke up on Thursday realizing I had no plans on getting from airport to hotel and was ready to just swallow a $40+ taxi ride.  Fortunately for me I ran into someone in our group that was on the same flight as me and she knew of two others that would be arriving around the same time.  This not only lowered the cost of the taxi from $40 down to $10/person but it also allowed me to hang out with others rather than sit by myself in my hotel room for the afternoon.

                  After arriving on Thursday and having some time to settle into our hotel rooms the four of us that arrived together all walked down to Downtown Disney and enjoyed a DELICIOUS meal.  I indulged in Lobster Mac & Cheese!  But kept the meal alcohol-free, boo!  It is sooooo challenging to not order alcohol when out on vacation, but kudos for my will-power.  Had I not run into them in the airport I may have just spent the evening by myself and not gotten out and explored Anaheim.

LESSON #2: Put your feet and legs on a pedestal…they deserve to be spoiled! I learned this little lesson in two ways.  The first was walking to/around Downtown Disney the first night in cute little flip-flops.  I could feel my heel develop a blister.  Not a good thing when you need your feet to carry you 13.1 miles in 3 days.  Luckily for me nothing popped up so my feet were safe for the time-being, but it was much too close for comfort.  Secondly, I spent much of Friday walking around Disneyland which resulted in a “knotty” feeling in my hamstring.  Once again, panic ensued!!!!!  Turns out I probably wasn’t drinking enough water…I mean I didn’t pee ALL DAY which is not a good sign.  I hydrated like no bodies business for the rest of the trip and once again, my panic was a little unnecessary.  Wear comfy shoes, walk around but not an excessive amount, and drink lots and lots and lots of water.  Your body deserves it.

                  Friday was all about Disneyland.  We got there fairly early and brought with us an unofficial Disney tour guide.  She knew all the ins and outs of kicking ass at Disneyland.  We hit all but one major ride in less than 2 hours!  This led to enough time for a delicious lunch and some souvenir shopping.  By about this time my hamstrings were acting up and I was getting really tired.  See Lesson #2…DRINK WATER (take care of yourself).  Unfortunately this led me to bailing on the parade and fireworks and tucking myself into bed by 9:30.  

LESSON #3: DON’T BE AFRAID TO TAKE AN EASY RUN.  By Saturday I was starting to stress…I walked a bunch the last few days; I was suffering from a cold, I’d been de-hydrated.  You guessed…panic set in!  I started Saturday off with an easy 3-mile run down to Disneyland and back.  This short run really boosted my confidence…I felt no pain in my legs/feet, I was able to breathe through the congestion, and I even saw the 10K crowd finishing up!  Don’t be afraid to get out there the day before an event and get the blood-pumping.  Just keep the intensity low!  Reminding yourself that you know how to do it and you are well trained may settle some pre-race nerves.

LESSON #4: GET TO THE EXPO EARLY (or don’t if you wanna save $).  The expo was a fairly quick in and out process for us.  We spent about an hour walking around and somehow I managed to only spend $30 total. I had hoped to load up on Tinkerbell Half Marathon souvenirs but by the time we arrived most things had sold out L  Lesson learned…get there early for souvenirs, or show up later to save money.  Your choice!

                  The rest of Saturday was all about well, resting!  An early dinner (5 PM) and an early bedtime (8 PM). 

And we're off on 13.1 speedy miles!

RACE DAY HAS FINALLY ARRIVED! I woke up, already dressed in my race outfit, to a text from Rob and a fresh, hot cup of coffee…2 of the best things that can happen at 3 AM. I enjoyed the quiet calm of the morning as I finished any preparations I needed for race day.  I pinned my number on, threw on a layer of warm clothes, packed my GUs, and grabbed a spare water bottle and headed out to the shuttle.  Upon arrival at the race…

LESSON #5: FIND A WARM BATHROOM, SERIOUSLY IT IS AWESOME!…I somehow was the only person racing that morning that thought it might be a good idea to check out the hotel lobbies and use their facilities rather than freeze my tush off in a port-a-potty.  Of course the ladies room was locked but having no shame so early in the morning I checked mens room and walked in there like it was nothing strange.  It was only 4 AM and the race was dominated by women so I couldn’t possibly imagine a guy coming in.  My ability to not care provided me with a warm and toasty place to hang out and play some Freecell for like 15 minutes; definitely beats wondering around in the dark and cold.

After leaving the warmth of my men’s bathroom, I ran a quick 10 minute warm-up and proceeded to fight my way to the front of the corral where after 15 minutes or so Tinkerbell appeared on-screen and started us off on our 13.1 miles of magic (it’s comments like that which make me realize I spent too much time at Disneyland).

The first several miles were fairly uneventful as I raced through the parks.  I did my best to enjoy the experience; see everything lit up; wave to all the characters but still maintain my goal pace and keep certain people in my sights.  As we exited the parks and hit the dark streets of Anaheim I focused on making sure I was getting my nutrition and made my first attempts at maintaining a decent pace through water stops…I was fairly successful but definitely need some practice

LESSON #6: WATER STOPS…securely place your hand over the top of the cup, pinch the cup, and turn the cup.  Chug water!  It might go up your nose and you might completely miss your mouth but I’m confident that this method works (or with some practice, it will work)

LESSON #7: DON’T BE TEMPTED TO CHASE PETER PAN…around Mile 6 I heard someone hauling some serious ass as they caught up with me.  As they approached I was thinking to myself, who the hell is this person?  They are going way too fast to have been behind me!  Turns out it was the leader of the men…fearless peter pan and the leaders bike crew!  I thought for a minute as they blazed past me that maybe I could pick up the pace and try to stick with him for as long as possible…a thought I was able to quickly push out of my head as the distance between the two of us increased greatly (Peter Pan managed to finish in 1:16, glad I didn’t try to push that pace).  Push yourself but don’t get too crazy and try to speed up your pace to a sub 6:00 when you’re happy to be running a 7:00!  Where I am at right now I’m still racing myself…I don’t need to get caught up in racing every individual out there!  The time will come for that; but for now I’m happy to be beating the runner I was 6 months ago.

As the race continued I kept three women close in front.  Slowly I passed one, then the second and kept was steadily closing in on the third when out of nowhere she darted off the course and ducked into a port-a-potty!  And suddenly there was no one that I could see in front of me…and so I ran all alone, in the dark, empty streets of Anaheim. 

LESSON #8: TRAINING ALONE LEAVES YOU PREPARED FOR LONELY MILES DURING A RACE.  After being “abandoned” by the women who had to relieve herself I was all alone on the course for about 2 miles.  Every once in a while I caught a glimpse of the women ahead of me but she had to be probably a half a mile ahead and I was losing sight of her at every corner (and on this course there were a lot of corners).  It was during these miles of the race that I dug the deepest and fought to keep my legs moving.  I feel that a lot of my early morning solo tempo runs had prepared me for this moment.  If I could do it at home when I was truly out there alone, then I could keep moving today, keep moving when it mattered the most.  I knew that I was running just ahead of my goal pace and couldn’t succumb to the burning sensation in my quads and glutes if I hoped to break 1:35…so I just kept pushing, just like every other workout.

After a couple of miles of solo running (and a missed opportunity to take a GU) a Disney miracle occurred.  Around mile 10 two women came up from behind me and unlike other race experiences where you get passed, they stopped and we started talking a bit.  We exchanged names, although they admitted that they’d already nicknamed me Long Legs several miles back.  We discussed PR’s and spent a few more minutes (or tenths of miles) getting to know each other before we settled into a quiet and quick pace.  During these final miles I feel behind the group by a foot or two and heard “where you at long legs”, “keep up with us if you can”, and “pick it up, you can keep this pace”.  They reported our pace, let me know when the last hill was just around the corner, and informed me that finish line was not where you’d expect it to be (it was instead another 1/10 of a mile and two corners away). Upon crossing the finish line we hugged and congratulated each other.

Lesson #9: IT IS SO MUCH BETTER TO SUPPORT EACH OTHER AS WOMEN.  This experience really opened my eyes to another side of competition.  While this race isn’t known for it’s competitive spirit, the three of us were still a group of women towards the top of a race.  But rather then blow past me and let me fight to the finish on my own these women lifted me up and their positive spirits helped carry me across the finish line.  It’s true what they say, as a whole we get a lot farther supporting each other than when we knock each other down.  If you’re confident with yourself then you can easily encourage others.  This was definitely the best experience I’ve ever had racing and it taught me a valuable life-long lesson about sportsmanship and how to treat fellow competitors as well as my fellow man (or women). 

FINAL TIME: 1:34.15 (6 Minute PR)

PLACE: 16^th Overall (3^rd Age Group)

Post-race celebration!

Both the training cycle and race have taught me a lot about myself as a runner, an athlete, a wife, and a friend.  The discipline that I required to complete my training and be successful in my race has forced me to grow a lot in all aspects of my life.  The way that I felt during this race has taught me that there are weaknesses that I have (leg strength and speed) and also strengths (endurance, steadiness).  But most importantly at the end of the race I felt that I had more to give and that I haven’t come close to reaching my potential as a runner.  I have had the last week to reflect on my performance, enjoy the success that I have had but know I am ready to start looking forward, develop a new set of goals and get to work accomplishing them all.

Building New Friendships....or Running Friends are Awesome!!!!

As stated in previous posts (and I'm sure in future ones as well) I find pleasure in the solitary aspect of running.  This entire blog is based upon capturing the thoughts I encounter during solo runs.  But,  during the last several months I have started to have an epiphany about running with others.  I have recently been introduced to one of the most amazing groups of women I have ever encountered.  In the past my interactions have been limited to either easy 4 mile runs or social gatherings.  But this past weekend (27 Oct 13) I was invited to join them all for a 90 minute run.  I hemmed and hawed at the idea...I'm running 12 miles so I'm not sure our workouts will align, I don't want to slow you down, I don't want everyone to see how slow I am, blah, blah, blah!  Excuses after excuses about how I wasn't sure I would be able to make it.  After some "peer pressure" I forced myself to overcome my serious bouts of anti-social anxiety I agreed to meet up with everyone for the run at 8am.

We started the run at a pace much quicker than I typically warm-up with.  I quickly dropped to the back of the group as we started the first lap around the golf course.  As I came down the last stretch of the first lap I noticed the entire group was waiting for everyone to catch up before taking off on the second lap.  No women left behind...a nice mentality to be a part of!  We started out on lap #2...this time I hung in the middle of the group, maintaining what I thought was a comfortable pace.  Again, we all regrouped at the end of the lap.  This pattern repeated once more, where I crept farther into the front of the pack.  We regrouped one last time.  Once we were all together we headed back out to the original starting point.

Knowing I would be approximately 2 miles short of my planned distance I tried breaking away from the group saying I could just meet up with everyone back at the house.  I was tired, I felt like slowing down...I knew I could give myself a little break (cheat a bit) if I isolated myself.

"I'll finish out your run with you" I was offered by one of the runners.

"Oh...you really don't have too!  I don't want you to feel like you have to do extra," once again, I tried pushing away.

"It's not a big deal.  I would have done an extra lap at the golf course, but everyone else was heading back"

"Well, okay.  But it might be slower than you'd want to run"  I was still incapable of just accepting a running partner.  I didn't want to expose any weaknesses I might have to this group of exceptionally talented runners.  Rather than accepting help, I tried to avoid possible embarrassment.  But I couldn't just flat out say "no" and turn down such a nice offer.  So, off the two of us took adding in an additional 2 miles of out and back.

Short of breath I did my best to maintain the conversation...we talked of work, school, the stress of purchasing a house, and of course our many running goals and upcoming races.  The pace continued to quicken as we came upon the final mile.  All I wanted to do was stop, for even 10-15 seconds.  But we pushed on.

"Imagine yourself pushing down the final stretch of a big race.  You've got to push it and you'll take the win!" My running partner continued to push and encourage me.  "Almost there, we just have to make around the stop sign.  Keep going for that win!"  These kind words pushed me through the end of my 12 miles, feeling strong and accomplished.  As I checked the splits on my watch I noticed that my pace picked up every 2 miles, finishing with a solid 7'58 pace.  What started as an easy 12-mile run wound up being a progressive 12 miles that physically and mentally challenged me.  This run elevated the confidence I have in my ability to run strong over long distances.

From this run I learned the value of surrounding myself with runners who are better than I am.  Runners who know how to take their hard-earned talent and use that to encourage, push, and motivate others.  It's humbling to be able to say, "You are better than me and that's okay".  It's humbling to be at the back of the group, but if you're never at the back you'll never learn how to push yourself past a comfortable level.  It's in these uncomfortable phases that growth can occur, and I'm learning that surrounding myself with those more talented than myself will get me to these uncomfortable zones quicker and keep me there longer.  And therefore I will hopefully accelerate my development as a runner.  I still find value and joy in the aspect of solo running...it develops different areas of mental strength.  Solo running still gives me that much needed reprieve from the craziness of life; but it's nice to know that when I need it I have friends who will be there to round out my training.  Friends who wake up at 5am to run a challenging tempo with you; friends who will run that extra mile (or 2) so that you can finish a long run feeling strong.  I have learned a lot from these friends and I look forward to learning even more.  So thank you to the ladies of the Dukes Track Club for being you and for being in my life!

Running...please enjoy it!

As a runner by night (or the wee hours of the morning) and a statistician by day it’s fair to label me “analytical”.  I love numbers!!!  I love what you can do with them, the information that you can pull from a string of data…plots, charts, graphs, and tables.  Oh my!  It is all very exciting to me.  Running is one of the most quantitative sports.  The data that a GPS watch can track from just one workout can be overwhelming.  Months (or years) of training logs fuel a type-A analysts analytical tendencies.  I review splits, paces, HRs, distances, and total run times with the enthusiasm most people save for watching YouTube at work (or whatever else not-nerdy people get excited about).   But not me…in my spare time I track training trends.  Are my splits improving?  Is a banana or oatmeal for breakfast best?  How much sleep do I require to perform?  How’s my weekly mileage looking?  Etc, etc, etc….

I crave the statistics that my little Garmin can provide.  It feeds the data-hungry beast that lies deep within.  If I happen to lose my GPS signal or have my battery die while out on a run I feel my heart skip a beat, my HR may even increase but I couldn’t ever tell…you know because my watch wouldn’t be working to track it at that moment. How will I ever know how good (or poorly) todays run went?  This loss of quality data provides a crushing mental blow.  By putting all this out there it’s fair to say that I’m addicted to the technology.  Aren’t we all?  We live in a society that is plugged-in 100% of the time…we can track almost anything using the various technologies available today and we may feel lost if we aren’t pulling in as much information as we think we can sort through and make sense of.   The ‘experts’, whoever they are, say to unplug for an hour a day.  Spend your time living in the present.  Enjoy the moment…temporarily release yourself from this fear of missing out.  The same goes for running.  Sometimes it’s okay to run for the pleasure of running.  Enjoy being outdoors, smell the fresh air, feel the ground beneath the soles of your feet.  Don’t be afraid that disregarding paces and splits for one hour will somehow cause you to miss out on your future goals.  I would argue that letting yourself just go [running] once in a while would remind yourself how great it is to run…and therefore increase your potential for meeting your goals.

Running, in its simplest form, is one of the easiest pleasures to lose sight of in today’s hyper-sensitive world.  Put your phone away, turn off the music…take a camera and capture this journey to share with others.  Put please DO NOT post them to Facebook until after you get home!  Slow down (or stop) and enjoy just being away from it all.  For me, being able to harness this “slow down” attitude id harder than it sounds but once I do, it serves as a reminder of why I love to run. 

This weekend I was given the opportunity to shut everything off (and out); to slow down the pace and enjoy the beauty that running delivers.  My husband and I spent this past weekend escaping to a small mountain town which sits at over 7000’ and is nestled deep in the belly of mountain ranges.

After consulting with my coach about Sundays run she advised me to turn the pace off on my watch and not concern myself with my total time or my pace.  Hills and altitude were sure to get the best of me. 

Yes....hills and elevation!!!!!  AUGH!

 It was best I enjoyed my upcoming hilly 10-miler as opposed to enduring it.  And thankfully, I was able to heed her advice and do just that.  I allowed myself to meander through the towns surrounding landscape.  I stopped several times to watch deer make their way effortlessly up the hillsides.  I sat on a rock at the top of the peak for a moment (or 2 or 5) and let the view (and not my effort) take my breath away.  I experienced what few people in our go-go-go society get to experience…complete silence.   In those moments of silence I realized how thankful I am for this beautiful earth we get to live on.  How grateful I am for the ability to get out of the hustle and bustle of everyday life.  I allowed myself to appreciate the mountain air and scenery rather than speed past it, as is all too common in everyday life.

What goes up most go down! Also...check out the fantastic views in the back. 

The ability to escape is one of the greatest gifts that running has given me.  On a regular basis running gives me a quick reprieve from the day-to-day drudgery that is adulthood…but I’m normally forced to be in a big hurry to return.  But every once in a while when I’m out traveling I am given the opportunity to be at one with nature, to escape for a prolonged period of time with no responsibilities awaiting my return.  I can let my thoughts wander every which way without consequence; I can let my pace drop as my mind takes the time to let the splendor around me settle in.  While vacationing is itself a get-away; a 2 hour run can remove you from the tourists’ world and let you explore the secret corners of your destination.  After all, the treasures of the earth (or cities) rarely lie out for all eyes to see.

But first, before I can drink in these rich experiences I have to be okay with setting aside the constant flow of data (and how analysis of such data reflects on me has a runner).  I have to be okay with slowing down.  If I can’t get to that point then I’ll speed past the trees, the animals, the horizons, the views, the small details that when witnessed give meaning to life.  I have to allow myself to be okay with sitting down on a run.  I have to allow myself to enjoy just being out for a run.  I have to settle into just being.

The beautiful wildlife!  Not sure if I've ever seen so many deer all together. 

As a runner I endure tough training sessions.  I enjoy having completed them.  Hopefully more often than not I find some enjoyment while I endure them.  I definitely enjoy the growth I gain as a runner out of working hard.  But running for pure enjoyment is a critical piece of being a successful runner; I think that goes for any aspect of life).  If I can’t find that moment of enjoyment that I am guaranteed to burn out and leave this little slice of personal heaven behind.  Modifying a quote from Gordon B. Hinckley (whoever thought I’d quote him…thanks Pinterest): let’s remember not to just endure our lives but make sure we enjoy our lives.  As a final reminder to myself and others: don’t shy away from stopping every once in a while and taking a moment to smell the flowers (or whatever else brings you pleasure).

Flying

If you run enough in life then one day you might actually take flight.  There is a quote I found by Paul E. Richardson which supports this:

"When you walk one foot is always on the ground.  When you run, most of the time you are actually airborne."

 In his book, Running is Flying, Mr. Richardson goes on to mathematically derive the percentage of time one if actually airborne during a 10 mile run.  Surprisingly, I will not share those details with you all.  This post relates more to the figurative meaning of flying one may experience during a run as opposed to diving into how frequently both of my feet are literally airborne.

Today, 29 Sept 2013, was one of those days where I felt like I had taken flight.  Today was only 7 weeks after beginning to train post stress fracture.  And I was flying...only 7 weeks in!  I felt like myself out there on the road.  I am comfortable saying that I was happier than a pig in mud (or shit).  Seven miles of pure heavenly ecstasy.  Endorphins are the best drug....EVER!

As I stepped out my door to start he cool autumn breeze reddened the apples of my cheeks with chilly kisses.  At the same time the sun beamed down, keeping me warm without ever suffocating me with heat.  The perfect day to have a perfect run.  Maybe it was the weather.  Maybe it was time to remind myself not all [fitness] has been lost.  Maybe something deep inside of me awakened with the change of seasons and that something just needed to stretch its legs. 

Whatever the cause, I felt like myself. 

I have found my stride.

While running on this beautiful day, my mind starting running again as well.  For the first time in a long time I ran like I was competing, like I was going for a personal record, like I was meeting challenges and beating them.  I believe sports psychologists refer to these imaginative scenarios as visualizations.  What I visualize on a good day of running is highly indicative of what I truly desire the most.  No matter how big the goal on a good day of running I can see myself achieving it.  There is no one around to make me doubt myself.  Too be fair and honest I don't always aim high, some days those visualizations center around the carton of ice cream I plan on decimating when I return home, and that's okay too.  But not during these 7 miles... today I was dreaming big!  I was dreaming of hitting low 1:20 half marathons...of winning the Top of Utah Marathon to earn a spot in the Olympic trials.  Today I was reminded of what it is that I want to achieve as a runner.  And more importantly that I have what it takes to achieve those goals.  As I visualized I felt my turnover effortlessly quickening.

Today I was flying.  Today I got to be myself...and it felt great!

Accountability and Deep Thoughts...A Welcome to my Blog

Currently there are two contrasting reasons that together have led me to the decision to sit down and type.  The first and more simplistic reason for joining the blogging community has been my current decision to begin pursuing running and competing at the elite level.  This was a decision that I did not easily arrive upon as I am sure that most of the journey will be an uphill battle of early mornings, conquering physical/mental pain, overcoming injuries, and possibly performance let downs.  But I have decided to begin training in spite of these possibilities to see how far I can go, how good I can be, and to dare myself to understand what I’m really made of.  To find success will require two non-physical attributions…honesty and accountability.

This blog will be my outlet as I experience the highs and low of striving to be great.  My goal of sitting down every week and writing down something regarding the progress I’ve made towards becoming elite will require honesty.  My experience in this world has shown me that honesty with oneself can be an intimidating feat and it’s possible, and even easy, to lie to ourselves.  By coming to a safe place and sitting and writing I hope to be honest in answering the following questions which I feel are important to reach my goals.  Does my work ethic this week reflect my desire to achieve this goal?  Are my priorities in line?  What sacrifices have been made, and are they worth it?  

Being able to come back to these questions at different times throughout training and give honest answers may be challenging at times.  Maybe I skipped a workout with no real reason.  Maybe I chose to stay out late one night and that resulted in a sup-par training run.  Maybe I’m giving too much to trainingand my life has fallen out of balance.  If I ever find myself lying to make sure that the answer appears as I wish, then I need to spend some time doing personal reflection.  I need to spend the time (and keystrokes) evaluating why I’m still pursuing this goal.  I believe that this level of honesty will translate into medeveloping into a better runner.  I will have a record of trends in my attitudes towards training and over time learn how to quickly identify and adjust any negativity before it becomes all-encompassing while at the same time learning how to foster positivity.

The final and really end all be all point of blogging as I chase this dream of elevating my running boils down to accountability.  Can I be accountable to myself?  My coach?  My family? And those who have chosen to follow this blog?  Being faithful to this blog will bring me one step closer to being fully accountablewith myself.  Accountability for me is simple to sum up, show up and do the work that is necessary to get where I want to go.

The second reason that I have chosen to start up “Running on Sundays” is because in the past I have run…a lot.  And a lot of that running occurred on…DRUM ROLL PLEASE…Sundays (shocker, I know).  In typical fashion, my long runs have 99.99% of the time been scheduled for Sunday.  These long runs became very long runs back in 2012 when I trained for my first marathon, the Top of Utah.  Several years ago I put away the headphones and gave up listening to music.  So that leaves me running by myself and with no music.  Hours of solitude…something that is truly a rare treat in these days of constant connection.  Minimizing external distractions forced me to go within to pass the hours, minutes, and seconds.

Several people ask how I can run for 2+ hours without music to distract from my own thoughts.  To that I reply, “It allows me to search the corners of my mind which are typically forgotten, areas of thought that we subconsciously shut down.  I get to know myself in the realest (and sometimes rawest) of ways during those hours.”  Some of the paths that my mind takes me down are motivating & encouraging while others have taken me to dark & lonely places.  Coincidentally these thoughts physically manifest themselves in the quality of my run…mind over matter, I suppose.

Coming full circle to how all this relates to blogging…a year after starting marathon training I still have journals filled with monologues that I have generated over the course of 100’s of miles of solitude.  While my current training is focused on half-marathons that does not keep me from logging hours of time alone and continuing to soul search.  I am finally ready to share the thoughts of past runs and whatever thoughts come up in future runs.  I am ready to be vulnerable by exposing who I am and what I’m made of.  As time (and training) progresses I will share these monologues from previous long runs and current long runs with you all.

I am looking forward to finding the courage to open up to everyone who is out there.  My hope is that each and every one of you will find your own benefit from “Running on Sundays”.